I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
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