dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
