Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
