I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
two words...techno handjob
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Randomize
