I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
It was confusing and full of hummus
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Randomize
