Im at strip club and am horny
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
