Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
