Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Randomize
