i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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