do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
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