great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
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