I am in a vortex of obligation.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
