we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
