I want to stick my p in your. b.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
You may now shotgun with the bride
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
