you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
