Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
i dont even know how to be here
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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