Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
