I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Only a mothe r could love this liver
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
