so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
