using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
