My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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