How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
