hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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