Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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