you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
