We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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