we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
