I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
