I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
He's a Shit stain on my heart
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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