You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Michael Bay diarrhea
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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