i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
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