frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
