Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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