I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
