Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
