we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
