I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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