Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
