It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
