I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize