I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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