So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
