don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
