her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
