You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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