What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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