I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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