I wish my penis had an off switch
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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