I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize
