He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
The power of my boobs compel you
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
