He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Randomize
