she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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