At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
PANTIES FOUND
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
