She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
You can't motorboat a personality
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
