Nicole vs. Life
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
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