theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
