tell your sister to shave her snatch
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
