THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
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