Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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