A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
