Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
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