I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
