Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
