We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Randomize
