If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
i think i just lost a toe
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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