I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
