I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Randomize
