is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
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