38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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