How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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