either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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