Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
